Thursday, April 1, 2010

My Eyes Have Been Opened!

I have seen the light! Gaia came to me in a dream last night and told me that she was the mother goddess and that nuclear power was poisoning the Earth and destroying the ecosystem! She showed me apocalyptic visions of the future in which humanity was reduced to roving bands of miserable survivors after the environmental holocaust. The few people that were left had taken to scavenging what remained of the land while defending themselves from attack by raiders.

I cried from the pain of the vision that the mother goddess showed me and prayed to her that it would not come true. I have decided to become a wiccan and worship Gaia. I am now a strict vegan and promise to only buy and wear green products and organic foods. I hope to make most of my clothing myself out of hemp, but even if I do need to buy clothing, it will be eco-friendly. Even my underwear will be green. I am going to drop out of school and live independently of the grid, using decentralized wind and solar energy. It is unlikely that I will become ill because I will not be ingesting toxins in my food which are ubiquitous in the western factory-farming industrial complex. However, in the rare event that I do get sick, I will not support the western medical establishment by going to a doctor. Instead I will use alternative medicine such as homoeopathy, enemas, and ear-candling to flush the evil, disease-causing toxins from my system. I was vaccinated as a child so I might get cancer as the damage has been done. But I hope that I will be able to prevent it by tapping into my Chakra centers and realigning my aura.

My days of being brainwashed by big energy and big agriculture have ended. I hope that other people will learn to follow my example which I will promote in various green blogs, chatrooms, and Internet forums of a low-energy, sustainable future. The basic layout of this blog is not going to change much since it is already the color green but I will edit my links and blogroll to feature more ecofriendly news sources and websites. I wish to make up for my days of being an agent of Big Nuclear and the large amounts of money that they have given me to support its agenda. Remember, my friends...use negawatts, not megawatts!

APRIL FOOLS!!

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